I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
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On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
tell me about the fingering
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