I faked an abortion last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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