In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
