then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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