Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
