everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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