You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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