So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
