Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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