I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
