You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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