About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
