You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
