Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize