Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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