So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
