think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
