I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
