Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
