I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
