She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
