i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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