Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
