dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
