she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
