this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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