i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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