Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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