what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
