This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
