maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
