1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
