After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
