You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
