Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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