Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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