...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pooping to opera.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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