ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
