dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
