Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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