is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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