True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm getting married
To pizza
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
