He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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