I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
vagina is talking i cant
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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