I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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