She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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