I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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