That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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