weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
