Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
