Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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