After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
