U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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