so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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