Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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