Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
