Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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