Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
