i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
