Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
