Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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