About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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