In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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