I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
