a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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