How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
