Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
