So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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