Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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