if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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